bleah :)

2007-03-21T22:46:00.000+08:00

CRAP

2007-03-21T14:09:00.001+08:00

STUPID BLOGGER

2007-02-25T19:15:00.000+08:00

Jeantte's birthday celebration

YES, its family DAY.

This is the reason why i simply love chinese new year.

2007-02-25T01:19:00.000+08:00

2007-02-04T22:06:00.000+08:00

I'm drained and i'm tired.
I realised that i ain't as strong as i think i am.
It hurts to have expectation on people.
It hurts more when people fall short of their expectation.
It hurts me more when I didn't accept them for who they are.
It hurts me even more when things get complicated as TOO many people are involved.
My pride; some say.
My insecurities; some say.
My feelings and emotions needs to be sorted; some say.

I need you;
Take my heart and break it.
Loose the chains that capture me.
Set me free.

2007-02-02T00:29:00.000+08:00

This feelings can't be right; lend your courage to stand up and fight.
The questions, doubts, anger, frustration and hurt.
I'm defintely not okay; and i'm sure i'll not be okay for awhile.
Maybe it's just me and my feelings.
Maybe i need to learn.
But the feelings and emotions are getting out of control.
And so are all the thoughts.
Man; i shouldn't be feeling this way and never should have.

You say you would set me free.
Free my heart; my lord.

UPDATES FOR THE WEEK.

2007-01-28T00:37:00.000+08:00

Everything is blurred in my eyes without YOU.

I will be there for you; i promise. :D

The strokes of the friendship is darken each time.

HEY; its a new tool that we found out in NAT and TIAN SHUN PHONE!! SORRY GUYS. :D

Nurses have creative genes too! :D

\When this three nurses makes a difference in my life; where is the PATIENT? LIM TIAN SHUN!!!

Life is never a smooth pathway.

It takes TWO; and never one in every relationship and friendship.

When three is never a crowd; where is the other two?

When there is YOU shadowing me everytime.

Looking at things in a different view; just like YOU would.

2007-01-14T23:56:00.000+08:00

Love is still an intrinsic feeling. Love never ceases, right up till the day we return to ashes. beautiful, isnt it? Hate not that roses has thorns, love that thorns have roses. Because hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. Love is an intangible entity that does transcend all boundaries.

2007-01-14T02:08:00.000+08:00

Lord; its 3am now and the post written is gone. I'M NOT FEELING OKAY.

Death and life.

I have never at any point want to experience death. Its not a pleasant thing and i really don't want to experienced it again. Death is an issue i would at any time run away and avoid it. I simply just refuse to believe. Tears won't make a difference; one said and i know. But everytime; it just fills my eyes with tears to the brim. An issue like death would shaken one's faith; one said and my faith have been shaken. whywhywhywhy my lord. I'm afraid of losing my loved ones, my friends, even patients whom i know less than a month. Its never easy going through death; its never easy and it just overwhelmed me.

Life is so unpredictable just like death. Life is like a bullet train. It moves at a fast speed, you will never know when it will end. The bullet train waits for no one; or does it? It moves on a designed road, isn't it? The bullet train does not wait for time. It stops at each station, like a part of our lives, every day, every month and every year. But it will never stop forever until it reaches its final destination (death). The bullet train would one day breakdown wouldn't it? one said, yes it would. But the bullet train would be back to the main station getting recharged and repaired just like our spiritual life where we learn to forgive and forget. As you sit down; feeling comfortable, you question what would happen next. Something that you and i can never explain. You look through the window glass; staring into the scene outside. The patches of grass, the field of flowers, the herds of animals, the mountains and lakes, kids playing around the fields, farmers at work, tall building and hetic lifestyle, the sun and moon, the stars and the raindrops dripping on the window screen and the people who waits at the station to come aboard (people who comes into your life and somehow would drop at one station or another.). You wonder when would time stop, for me to just enjoy such a moment. Happy moments last forever in the heart but sad moments teaches one something. There will be a time; when you are looking for the answers to your questions. You went down the bullet train and it doesn't wait or does it? You board the next train and realised it was your bullet train (isn't it just god's plan?). Life is about boundaries, about drawing lines and sometimes this boundaries and lines are drawn to prevent and stop people from coming in to our comfort zone. But why waste time drawing time, when all you need to do is cross them. Life is about being out of your comfort zones, each time learning, falling, climbing back up again being stronger and maturing.

I'm not coming and crossing out of my comfort zone. I'm too shaken and too afraid to cross it. And i still refuse to believe. Lord; why why why why david? why him? Lord; why must it be david? Do the righteous die early? Do the good die young? Lord; why would david be choosen? Lord; why such an awesome and spiritual brother? Lord; why him?????????????? Lord; i believes in miracles and the works of your hands. Lord; work them would you? Lord; i know you have your plans and the best for david and peple around him. But still Lord; why him? Lord; i'm just speechless and it was very heart breaking to hear the news. But i know that everything is under control; david's bullet train is in your hands. Lord; david's faith and conviction is so strong and for that i'm thankful and grateful. You have protected david in every way and lord; please continue to protect him and work the miracles out. Lord; you promised the best for us, and maybe this is the best for david. You say you love us more than anything else and i believe it in. The life we have is yours, you were the one who gave us this life to do your work, to impact people to know you. Lord; i'm sure david is dedicting his life into your hands. I know you are working your powers greatly. Lord; please, protect david, heal him as you did for many. I know that is nothing i can do but to surrender everything to your hands. Lord; its not easy, but i'm grateful that david has such faith. Lord; bless the heart that seeks for you earnestly.

Death; is something so fragile just like life. Its like walking from the brightest room to the darkest room. Death is like taking a lift, and having no clue of when its going to plung down from the highest floor to the lowest floor. It is a pathway where the lamp-post slowly loses its flames as you walk by. Death is controlled by emotions. It is a time where you feel weak and lifeless. Death is like a bullet train losing its speed. It can be quick but yet a slow process. Life is something you need to experienced and honestly; i have experienced alittle of what life is all about. Attachment was really something not easy to go through, seriously not easy, it has never been easy. Being in a male ward; was really challenging but yet really fulfilling. Seeing those patients being sick; there is so much you wanna do for your patients but so little time, so little knowledge and so much of limitations. I'm afraid of losing my feelings and being numb. I'm afraid of doing it for the sake of it. I'm afraid of having no emotions. I'm really afraid. I feel and i really do feel a lot. It has never been easy going for attachment; not knowing what to expect. Lord; bless Mr. T, i'm sure he is going to heaven to see you. Please allow him to be in peace and console his family members. Its really sad to see him go. It was really heart breaking. His simple gesture of shaking your hands, saying thank you and good night, his intolerence of pain, his unpleasant words, his wanting of going home and his smile. I didn't even get to say good bye. I didn't get to make him neat and tidy. I really didn't. It was so hard to let go. The feeling of hopelessness and helplessness. The feeling of losing a loved one and losing him forever just brings tears and emotions. It was so hard, very hard. I never thought to have experienced such a thing, though it was expected but i had always hoped for a miracle. Lord; she left peacefully and i know she will be rememebered and loved greatly. Lord; bless the hearts of her family. Lord; console her grand-daughter who loved her that much. It took a lot courage to do the last office. It was not easy. Having to take a look at her; just makes me wanna cry. Emotions overwhelmed, tears at the brim. Yes, i know i am emotional and love to cry. I just don't know how to react to such a situation. Cleaning her eyes and face, touching her cold body just makes me feel so devasted as there is nothing to be done. It just feels so hard to lose someone you loved. It wasn't easy to let go; seeing the tears of her grand-daugther just makes me think of my own grand-mother. There was nothing i can do; there was nothing. But i know that they will all be remembered in my heart and names being craved; just like mine on Jesus's palm.

i'm on my bullet train and i have just stopped at one station. I'm moving on to the next, you?

2006-12-31T01:54:00.000+08:00

Today, 31st december 2006; the last day of 2006. I'm thankful LORD, for keeping me alive for a whole year, for protecting me for a whole year, for loving me so much more this year. 2006 has been a much better year compare to 2005. 2006 has been a blast! 2006 has been a eventful year, in which i experienced major transition. Welcome to the world, one said and i totally agree. This year, i have learned some much about myself, about GOD, about people around me. The strength and weaknesses about myself and things that i need to work on. Many of my heart issues were dealed with, resolved and settled. I'm glad that i'm not avoiding or running away; and i'm thankful for people who reminded me. :) I read through my resolution for 2006 and realised many were unrealistic. I have only fulfilled one of resolution which was to get baptised. SO how have 2006 been some asked, it has been a very challenging year in which my character was moulded in some way, in which how i handle issue show how much i need to learn and in which how i expressed my feelings and emotions needs to be more real. I'm leaving 2006 behind and looking forward to 2007. I'm glad that 2006 has ended with a good note and seriously sisters, i'm thankful for your feelings and thanks for helping me know my weakness. :) I'm glad and i couldn't stop smiling for 2007 would be a better year. So much so, i don't wish to go for attachement , start school and have exams but i know; this is life, and i have to go through it. :D Moreover; i'm not going through it alone but rather with GOD, with the teens and everyone that played a part in my life. GOD, you said you willl be carrying me as i go through each and every part of my life, and i know you will do the same for 2007. GOD; you said prayer changes everything, so please mould me LORD to be a prayer warrior for 2007. GOD, you said boundaries are needed in every aspect of my life; and LORD please help me be firm in my boundaries. I'm so glad, i couldn't stop smiling for 2007 would be a better year. Year 2007; i am ready for you.!!!

LONG AWAITED.

2006-12-09T22:33:00.000+08:00

A long awaited entry : mainly just photos ( another entry for thoughts. )

16th Nov. HS 1082 Presentation;

Natelie's Birthday. ;)

NATELIE, notti girl. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAT. ;)

18th Nov. Blood Donation & wee chung's wedding.

PHOTO TO BE UPDATED.

22nd Nov. Clincal Theory Paper.

29th Nov. HS 1032 Presentation

1st Dec -3rd Dec. RETREAT. :)

LEE KUAN YIN ;)

THE SISTERS

GAY MOMENTS.

THE AWESOME TEEN WORKERS. :D

THE GROUPS

5th Dec. Biology Practical Exam

7th Dec. Clinicial Assessment. PASSED. :D (BY GRACE)

8th Dec. LUNCHED AT NAKED FISH.

A complete set of FISH AND CHIPS.

FIND THE MISSING PIECE.

This was where it FLOW.

2006-11-28T02:31:00.000+08:00

Felicia has been a very busy girl recently; shall blog soon. ;)

2006-11-10T17:26:00.000+08:00

MOVIES I WANNA WATCH

STEP UP
HAPPY FEET
OPEN SEASON
SAW 3
DEJA VU
CHARLOTTE'S WORD
ACCEPTED
TURISTAS
THE HILL HAS EYES 2

SO, that's all for now to 2007. ;)

2006-11-05T01:45:00.000+08:00

I came to realise; it doesn't take the world to make a difference in my life.
It can take one or two; three or four; five or six and many many more.
But in my life right now, i came to know who matters.
Some wants to be treated as though they matters in MY life; while i don't; in THEIR LIVES.
Maybe; i am just being super emo about this topic.
But it did and has always affected me.
I guess i was just out of my comfort zone.

2006-11-04T01:20:00.000+08:00

Time : 2:10AM
DAMM, i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward for tomorrow's ( today ) bible talk. Well, its not has if i have tons of friends coming, when actually i have none. But its the brothers and sisters that i am going to see tomorrow ( today ) though SOME people aint coming. Never mind, i am still as excitied. IT THE BEACH, PEOPLE. Its going to be so fun!. ;)

Look at this tired one. Look at how sleepy and tired this dog this. Well, i'm seriously feeling this way, and i'm drained. I'm totally exhausted and have been tired out. Projects dealines, tutorials, lectures, church, home. Seriously, i miss home cooked food, sleeping early, hanging with my secondary school friends, spending time with the sisters, having super long talk in msn, hanging out the teens, watching movies, SENTOSA, and seriously, the previous me. Well, i'm spiritually dry and ain't feeling great or good about it. I really don't like this kind of feelings bothering me. I didn't realised i was actually running away from a lot of stuff that should be settled. I'm kind of off track and i still am. I'm tired of projects in school and its deadlines are like killing me. argh, i'm seriously kind of out of breathe already; panting; struggling to finish this sem. Its going to be a tough one. Looks like, there is more to be done and it has to be done.

Lets see; things to be done, deadlines to meet:

TEENS RETREAT PLANNING ( i soooooooooo wanna be a part of it )
Maternal Care Major Presentation ( 16 NOV / natelie's birthday )
Clinical Assessment and theory examination ( 20th to 24th NOV )
Nursing Science : Medication and drugs Major Presentation ( 29th NOV )
TEENS RETREAT (1st to 3rd DEC )
Anatomy Practical Examination (4th DEC to 8th DEC)
HOLIDAYS ( 18th to 31st DEC )
OGL : Orientation Group Leaders Camp ( 18th to 20th DEC)
Clincal Attachment ( 1st JAN to 15th JAN )

Look at how this little one cries. Just look at his facial expression. Well, that is how i am feeling right now, i kind of miss secondary school life. I guess, it was those pictures that made me reflected on myself. I realised, in every stage of my life, i made friends all over the place. But how often do i actually keep up with them to keep the friendship going? how often do i meet up with them, or even just a call or a sms? I admit, i have become invisible in their lives especially two whom i'm like super close with. I came to realised that when i'm super duper guper close with someone, its just a like a friend whom i have blood connection with, the bond and the closeness is something that cannot (tidak boleh) be expressed by simply words. I don't know how to salvage such friendship especially when its seems to be gone in just a second. I cherish them just like any friends i made. I mean, i know our timetables don't match and it just so hard for me to meet up with them since their timetable fits that nicely together and that mine is way way so different. Yes, crap, i know its crap. But ARGH, i have in turn came to go on with my life without them and it seems so empty and ok, i admit, lonely. I meant like i have friends around who tends to hang out with their secondary friends and its a lot more. I just don't understand why couldn't I be one too, alright, enough, i just being like super emotional about such stuff. Friendships are meant to build and last, but not gone in a flash or are they?

2006-10-29T18:45:00.000+08:00

alrighty people. the photos for the zoo trip. ;)
i truly had fun, and hey dude, i hope you enjoyed your 18th year old birthday.
And hey, dude, you super good life! have so many girls or rather jie jie and mei mei to plan for your birthday!. ;) anyway who wanna go again?? ME!!!

2006-10-25T00:46:00.000+08:00

Went to the zoo today and it was fun, fun, FUN!. It rained and i definitely had fun playing in the rain, yes, i was soaked but who cares, it was fun! I love the animals, i wanna go to the zoo again! to have fun like a child. ;)

Aint no magic wand, but prayers.
dear lord, please help me with my tut, its killing me as nothing can be found for the topic. I know, i can find something to hand in for my thrusday tut, and i believe it can happen. Lord, grant me wisdom to search for the right information and to type on the keywords. Amen.

my wallet needs renovation, so which means i am going to get a new one.
i wanna get the brown outfitter wallet!

2006-10-08T21:43:00.000+08:00

Footprints

One night Felicia had a dream. She dreamed she was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from her life. For each scene she noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to her, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of her life flashed before her, she looked back at the footprints in the sand. She noticed that many times along the path of her life there was only one set of footprints. She also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in her life.

This really bothered her and she questioned the LORD about it: " LORD, you said that once i decided to follow you, you 'd walk with me all the way. But ihave noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints, i don't understand why when i needed you most you would leave me. "

The LORD replied: " My girl, my percious child, i love you and i would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then i carried you."

Dearest sharon, thank you so much for the card. You don't know how much it had actually encouraged me. Thank you, for making me feel again. Thank you, for me making me feel broken by GOD's love for me. Thank you, for making me cry. Many thanks my girl.

this entire week, i was...
numbed, lukedwarmed.
lazy, heckcare.
judgemental and critical.

today, i was...
emotional.

the reason, why i didn't feel God was because i neglected him. I forced him out of my life, i was numb. the rollarcoaster ride was a little too much for me, a little to much. it made me grew up, sometimes i don't want to but i was made to. things has became such a routine which i'm scared of. i guess, Felicia does not wanna grow up but in the mist of everything, she grew stronger and much stronger.

2006-10-01T23:05:00.000+08:00

In less than 9 hours, i am going to be busy in the hospital. Yes, i might say i am not stress and stuff. But seriously, i am. I am actually stressed and nervous. Well, i know its my first posting, so i should not get so uptight and stress and about it. For me, its never easy not to worry. I worry too much. In this week of travelling from yishun to bukit merah was really a chore and honestly, i hated it! i hated taking buses! argh. I remember falling asleep once i have a seat, having to always knock my head to the windows leaving a bruise on my forehead. I confessed, it was a week where i didn't do my quiet time and my usual prayers with God. It was so tough to stay awake to even read the notes for the deep teaching. It was really bad for my relationship with God, i felt really empty and craving for him. But it was my excuse of not giving him to first in my list and my body is saying no no. I feel like i am going to fight a spiritual battle tml as my attachment with SGH starts for a long period of 2 weeks. I want to rely on him for strength and really on wisdom to do the right things. argh. I hate being to smashed and absorbed by the world, its never a nice place to be in. argh. *stressed and nervous* really i am!!!!!!!!

dear lord,
i apologise for being a strain in our relationship, i apologise for not communciating with you. I admit, it was bad time management, you wasn't the top in my list. I know i should have put in more hard work but i didn't. Lord, as you know, tml i'm starting my attachment, it not goin gto be a easy one. Lord, i pray earnestly that i will be going to the female ward no the male ward. Lord, it was in my blood, always being the blur one, the clumsy one. I am so afraid of making mistakes and really getting scolded by the staff nurses as i heard, they are pretty nasty. Beside, being just inwardly focus, Lord, i wanna pray for jacinda, fiona and slivia who are having their promos that you bless them with the memory power to remember, wisdom to understand. For brenda, erica, lorinda, ej, flibert in the upcoming exams to strive for good grades to glorify your name. For shawn poh, martin, kynaston,manfred, benjamin, nichola for their N levels and O levels that you bless them with good interpretation skills to understand the questions set. Lord, heals those who are sick like me, that you use your healing powers to enable me to recover and to strive to be the best i can everyday. Lastly Lord, as i begin my attachment and my spiritual battle help me, to stand firm in my belief, to always go to you before anything and to have faith that everything is planned by you. Lord, help me not to again be as blur and clumsy but to be humble to learn and love this period of time as i experiences the working life and having to juggle my commitment with you, family, work and friends. Lord, i pray that you bless all the teens with strength and alertness for the entire week and help all the teens espcially me to wake up on time!!.

Lord, i love you, and i couldn't thank you enough. Amen. ;)

2006-09-20T01:36:00.000+08:00

he listens, he understand.
he holds and protect me,
just like his precious baby.
he knows what is deep down inside,
the emotions, the feelings.
he know me more than i do.
what more can i ask for?

today.

2006-09-17T17:23:00.000+08:00

Its has been long since i blogged. Felicia had actually disappear in some sense, and i totally agree. To be honest, it was because i want to kind of disappear though. It has been a roller coaster and a twister at the same time in this one month. Having to stuggle inside about certain issue, having the pride of not confessing it, afraid of how people will look and comment about me. It was such a struggle it keep it inside and having to behave as if nothing happen. It was hard not even sharing it to anyone, not even asking help. It was such a pride, such pride that wasn't put down. It actually took such a courage to even talk about it, but i am glad that i did today. It was during erica study that it hit, it was such a strong rebuke and a reminder. Eventually it was shared and confessed, it was such repentance. Though, it still needs more improvement, it can be done. Though tears were collecting but none fell, i am thankful for those tears. It had been in collection but never once fell down. It seems all that all the feelings felt were said and bare on the line. Today, i felt renew, having to take a step forward. Having to know that someone actually struggles the same way as i do. ;) Having to know and gain such acceptance and grace shown was unexplainable. Now, i understand the reason for such a arrangement by GOD. It was all along in his plan for me, to grow and mature. Having to learn and take a big step forward in the relationship with GOD. Today, i learned about grace, forgiveness that i can never understand.Grace and forgiveness was given to me, me, no one else but me. TODAY.

when felicia is bored...

2006-08-26T23:39:00.000+08:00

BOREDOM. :)

Skip this.
Nickname - felicia, felimao, fur fur, feli, malaysia.
Single or taken - SINGLE (:
Zodiac Sign - taurus.
Male or Female - female for sure.
Elementary School - Peiying Primary School
Ipod - Video (soon)
How many buddies on your list - what list?
009. friendster name - FELicia.
010. Hair Color - honey brown
012. Hair Long or Short - short and long.
013. Skip this.
014. Eye Color - dark brown.
015. Are you health freak - nope.
016. Height - 163cm
017. Do you have a crush on someone - nope.
018. Do you like yourself - yes that is for sure. :)
019. Braces? - nahh. :) i have nice teeth.
020. Think you're awesome? - Yea, :)
021. Piercings - Ears. :)
022. Tattoo - none. :)

Your 'Firsts'

Surgery - right elbow.
First piercing - primary school.:)
First best friend - all the boys in class & ximin.
First Award - swimming award in primary 3.
First Sport You Joined - choir, badminton, netball, soccer, tennis. ( all at the same time. )
First pet - colourful chick.
First vacation - i think its desaru.031. First Concert - none, anyone wanna sponsor?
First love - a person.

Favorites

Favorite movie - all. :)
Favorite tv show - random though. :)
Color - BLACK, WHITE, GREEN, MAROON, BROWN
Music - all. :)
Drink - Bubble tea without bubbles, and every other drink.
Body part not on the face - wrist.
Cartoon - i can't remember.
Favorite piece of clothing - my jacket. :)
Brand Of Clothing - not brand conscious.
What do you sleep with - BED,BLANKET,PILLOW,PILLOW, WINNIE THE POOH,AIRCON.
Favorite School - none. hate school x_x
Favorite Animal(s) - ALLLLLL :)
Favorite Book - none, hate reading. argh. :)
Favorite Magazine - i don't know.
Eating - i aint fussy.
'm drinking - NOTHING.
I'm about to - BATH.
Listening to - LOVE ME.
Waiting For - JOBS ):
Watching - None, waiting for my VCD. :)
Wearing - BIG TEE and SHORTS.

Your Future

Want Kids - 4 kids. 2 boys and 2 girls.
Want to Get Married - Yes please. :)060. Careers in Mind - A nurse in UK. :)

Which is better with the Opposite Gender

Lips or Eyes - EYES.
Hugs or Kisses - HUGS.
Shorter or Taller - Taller. :)
Romantic or Spontaneous - BOTH please.
Nice stomach or nice arms - nice arms!
Sensitive or Loud - Sensitive. :)
Hook-up or Relationship - Relationship.
Sweet or Caring - Sweet AND caring.
Trouble Maker or Hesitant - Hesistant, i am a trouble marker. as a result, good balance.

Have you ever

Kissed a Stranger - NO!
Drank bubbles - HUH?
Lost glasses/contacts - nope.
Ran Away From Home - never.
Broken a bone - yea.
Got an X-ray - yep!
Broken Someone's Heart - yes, not one but two.
Turned Someone Down - yep.
Cried When Someone Died - YES YES.
Cried at school - YES!

Do You Believe In

God - YES YES YES. !!!!
Miracles - YES YES YES!!!
Love at first sight - i believe.
Aliens - no, duh.
Magic - yes, black magic.
Heaven - YES YES i wanna be there hopefully.
Santa Claus - I wanna smack his big tummy!
Sex on the first date - nope.
Kissing on the first date- nope.
Angels - YES, many were to me. :)

Answer Truthfully
Is There someone You Want To be with right now? - nope, not in the mood. :)

Samantha, the one i am thankful for. <333

2006-08-25T16:10:00.000+08:00

Spending time with samantha :))) 16 August 2006

Spending time with samantha, :))) 24 August 2006

yea. :D

2006-08-14T17:51:00.000+08:00

fireworks day. :)

spending time with sonia & sharon. :P

Project get together ;)

Daddy's flying. :(

Saturday; bible talk and SWEDEN TIME. :) thanks sonia for the treat. :)

Mask fitting day. ;)

Pictures taken on friday ;) midweek.

2006-08-01T23:09:00.000+08:00

this world; this place is not my home; not my paradise.
i don't know whether am i not trying hard enough to cherish the friendship?
i don't know whether am i just being jealous about the bond and friendship they had?
i don't even know whether i was accpeted at all?
i don't know whether being busy had caused all the breaking down of the friendship to bits?
i don't even know do i exist in their memories in school?

felicia; jealousy and envy is a sin; is a SIN.

i think maybe i am not trying hard enough to cherish the friendship; but felicia, you did sms them but they didn't reply you & you talked to them on msn but they didn't reply you most of the time.
i am jealous about the closeness that have, the bond they have; even when natelie talks about her secondary school friends, it sometimes brings me to tears. Felicia; you cannot blame them; you are not the same as you; they are not as busy and time consuming as your course. Felicia; maybe they just don't need you at all. Felicia; but no worries, you have your friends who you know will walk you through your life; your struggles; your temptation.
i know i never was accepted; i know you guys hated me for causing a big issue with your long friendship. I know you guys never had felt comfortable with me. I know you guys never liked me being close to you guys. I understand; i finally understand. Felicia; is ok you are not accepted, look to HIM and not people. Felicia; you are the one suffering; do you think they understand and felt the way as you do? Felicia; you are accepted by HIM, HIM. REMEMBER.
Seriously; is not i want to be that busy; i have bad time mangament. I have tons of projects to do. I have about 7 modules to study; can i have a choice? Felicia; busy should not be an excuse, Felicia maybe you need to take initative to ask them out again. Felicia since you are going to be free after your exam go and bond with them again. Felicia; cast away all your doubts and insecurity; simply just have fun.
I don't know whether i did played a part. But at least i know they did played a part in my secondary school life. They made my life so different, so special. They were the friends i knew i can clinged on. They led me through my N and O level. Felicia; whether they remember you or not is not the problem; but is you whether you remember them and are thankful and grateful that GOD placed them in your life.

Dear lord; i grumble and complained once and twice and many uncountable times. Lord; i confesses; i looked to people more than you; more than your words; your miracles and Lord; i suffered, i beared hatred, i beared grudges, i beared doubts and i beared jealosuy, i beared envy; and i beared INSECURITY. Lord; i didn't meant to feel this way; i didn't wanted to feel this way. Lord; i am sorry, i didn't placed my focus on you, i am sorry for not having to have good time management. Lord, i am sorry for not behaving like a christian, for behaving very inmaturly. Lord, i am learning, and i wanna learn. Lord; i thank you; i really thank you for not giving up on me, for giving me so much trust and faith that i can do whatever i placed my heart to do. Lord; i thank you for giving me friends in church which i know i can looked up to, to learn from, to rely on, to walked the narrow road with, to face SATAN together, to face difficulties, temptations, struggles. Lord; i thank you for giving friends in my current school that i can study with and build great relationship with. Lord; i thank you for allowing me to pass my clincial practical; it was a miracle done before my eyes. Lord; i couldn't thank you more, i couldn't be grateful more. Lord; i tnank you for i get to see the world, i get to see the differences in people from my secondary school to poly to church. Lord, i thanks you for placing everything i faced for me to really breakthrough. :) AMEN.

roses.

2006-07-22T16:29:00.000+08:00

Number of Roses
1 stalk - Love at 1st Sight
2 stalks - Mutual Feelings
3 stalks - I Love You
7 stalks - I am Infatuated by You
9 stalks - Together as Long as We Live
10 stalks - You are Perfect
11 stalks - You are My Treasured One
12 stalks - Be My Steady13 stalks - Friends Forever
15 stalks - I am Sorry
20 stalks - I am Sincere Towards You
21 stalks - I am Committed to You
36 stalks - I Will Remember Our Romantic Moments
40 stalks - My Love is Genuine
99 stalks - I Will Love You Till the Day I Die1
00 stalks - I am Totally Devoted to You
101 stalks - You are My One and Only
999 stalks - My Love Will Last Till the End of Time

Colour of Roses
Red - I love you or Encouragement
White - You are heavenly, reverence of innocence & purity
Pink - You are gentle & graceful
Light Pink - Gratitude & appreciation
Dark Pink - Admiration & sympathy joy & gladness
Orange - Enthusiasm
Blue - You are special
Purple - You are my romance
Yellow - Joy, Gladness, Freedom
Two Roses - Joined Together, Engagement
Red and White Roses - Together Unity

boredom.

2006-07-21T12:22:00.000+08:00

THANKS TO JACINDA AND MANFRED FOR FORCE FEEDING ME.

If you could be stranded on an island with only one person, who would it be?

It would be my dad!! He is simply awesome. He can cook; sew; iron and wash clothes. What more can i ask for? Anyway; daddy is simply rugged. If not; orlando bloom ;)

Name the most disgusting thing you've ever seen someone do on Fear Factor.

Eating balls of an animal and the blended mixture of beetles; maggots and cockroaches.

In real life?

Still borned baby hamster sandwich with bread; eaten RAW!! eeeeee

Poet/Artist

Both; a picture speaks a thousand words while words can be captiving. ;)

If you had to choose, which of your five senses would you rather lose?

The sense of smell; a smell can turn someone off so without the sense of smell i can eat smelly tofu!!

Are you a morning person?

It depends. It depends on my timetable for school. ;)

Starbucks/Coffee Bean?

Coffee Bean ;)

What's the most expensive thing you've ever given your mom on Mother's Day?

A Wallet. ;)

Father's Day?

His prefume. ;)

Favourite seasons:

Autumn & Winter. The autumn leaves are beautiful and i love snowflakes.

Are you bored yet?

yea, i am so damm bored.

Ever published something?

aint i doing it now?? duh.

Ever been skinny-dipping?

nope.

Are you superstitious?

it depends; but at a second thought i think i am but at the third thought i think i am not.

Do you believe in true love?

Yes; i do and i believe in love at first sight. ;)

The best eye colour the opposite sex could have?

hazel; misty green and blue.

TV Series vs. Movies?

Movies.

Celebrity crushes:

Orlando bloom.

Can you type this sentence with your eyes closed?

Nope; i aint an expert; i did it with all 10 fingers of mine. My fingers simply needs excerising.

Now force-feed this to five people of your choice?

Brenda;

Natelie;

Jasmine;

Meixian;

Fiona;

what a day.

2006-07-11T15:34:00.000+08:00

Great; just great; just wonderfully isn't it?
She had just got a wonderful D for biological science and physcology.
Wow; it was a big bomb isn't it?
Great; just great;
She has to work double hard to score better in the coming exams.
Seriously; she is tired; exhausted with the projects and projects and MORE projects.

Everyday; i feel like i'm in a drama that is taking place in school.
The "dramas" in school never seem to be decreasing by increasing.
Strange isn't it? hmmm; Weird isn't it?
The "dramas" in school sometimes make me feel SICK! of going to school
The "dramas" in school sometimes make me HATE! school
The "dramas" in school makes me wanna PUKE!
The "dramas" comes always out of the blue, secretly, unexpectedly, unknowingly.
Seriously; this "dramas" in school had made her decide to be a ( yeah; whatever ) type of girl.
She aint going to be "into" the "dramas" in school but rather simply just a passerby who see and leave.

thanks to all this "dramas"; i HATE school.

Important dates.

2006-07-10T17:51:00.000+08:00

UPCOMING PROJECTS TO BE DONE

Journal Club 14 July ( FRI ) 1PM - 2PM HS. 608
Clinical Practical 31 July ( MON ) 2PM - 3PM H.404

STUDY WEEK: 14 Aug to 3 Step

17 Aug ( THURS ) 430PM - 530PM HS 1031
18 Aug ( FRI ) 430PM - 630PM HS 1028
21 Aug ( MON ) 830AM - 1030AM HS 1033
22 Aug ( TUE ) 430PM - 630PM HS 1026
23 Aug ( WED ) 1230PM - 130PM HS 1030
24 AUG ( THURS ) 830AM - 1030AM HS 1027

UPCOMING EVENTS

Spending time with slivia 13 July ( WED ) 4PM CITY HALL
Teens Date 15 July ( SAT ) 530PM CHANGI VILLAGE

2006-07-09T01:16:00.000+08:00

i'm sick; very sick. My stomach is really giving my problems, it started with cramps followed by sharp pain and now continuous diaherra. Seriously; i don't know whether i can TA HAN this for how much longer. I was very much taken back when i read MIND YOUR BODY; i read about colon cancer and the syptoms of colon cancer is quite similar to mine. I am very very afraid that i might be having that. Oh God; i hope that my assumation is not true.

i'm miss secondary school life; it was very much like life. Not like now; NO LIFE. I miss those times; where it was mugging for exams at cafe; lunch in at roti prata shop; dinner at cafe; tuition with mr leek; sun-tanning at sentosa; movies; taking neoprints. Where have all these gone to? Seriously; i don't know. I doubt they actually remember all these. Is it only me; who yearn for such, or do they yearn for it too? The friendship has slowly difted away; disappear. No contacts at all; must it always be me having to contact them? why can't they contact me? we made a promise; to keep each other in our lives; in contact; but they have simply left me out; an outcast. Yes; i shouldn't be looking at people but focusing on God; yes i know. But why doesn't the friendship stays? I guess; because these friendship was based on love; but something else i doubt. but God; i know that no matter how i grumble now or complain now; i know you will always provide the best for me; and i am thankful that i have sisters AND brothers to rely on. ;)

boredom.

2006-07-06T01:37:00.000+08:00

dear sisters; you guys played an important part in my life; and i love you guys tons!

judas.

2006-07-05T00:54:00.002+08:00

Judas; he quitted too soon. He felt that he deserve better than what he had, he's not a bad man but he made very bad choice. Judas lacked of openness to share about his feelings, attitudes and struggles. When Judas made a wrong decision to betray Jesus and felt remouseful about it, he had no one to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to rely on, no one to give him advice; to rebuke him. Judas's faith and salvation was not strong enough to stand firm when the storm comes that he faced alone.

she feels at some point of her life; she was a quitter. She felt the same way as Judas did, she made bad choices too. She also lacked of openness to share about how she feels, how she struggles with temptations in the world, how she had attitudes towards people, about life, about everything that is happening. She similarly has questions and doubts about God's plan, the way her life is planned. She is often hard pressed on every side but never crushed, she has friends to talk to, to rely on, to turn to, to be given advice to, to be rebuked to. She is the blessed one, she is the protected one. She has not been completely open about her life; not even to her closest buddy. Yes; she has things she has yet to clear in her heart such as pride and doubts. She shares her joy with others but very little her saddness and worries. She feels that she always have to be the strong one; never the weak one. Her faith is moved but yet; she acted as if her faith was not moved. She made different types of bad choice; bad decision; bad actions; bad thinking. She sometimes finds it hard to faced the storm alone; she finds it hard to be different from others in school though she is already different. She finds it a challenge to reject friends; to say No to events such as shopping, movies with her classmates; she finds it hard to not bear grudges against people of the world, she finds it a problem to not feel insecure; all the problem she finds are actually not problem if she fixed her eyes on God; she aint fixing her eyes on God due to the things that she have to do rather than the things she needs and must do. But that was a old she; a old she that she was worrying whether she will change or not. The new she; is still struggling but with a bigger prespective; with a bigger picture; with a bigger view; with a bigger God; with a bigger goal; with a bigger love; with a stronger faith; with a stronger and deeper conviction. She is worried about her upcoming projects; but she is not going to be defeated by the world. She has given her best and the rest is up to God to decide what he wants her to get. Even though; she knows sh eis going to flunk her biological science practical; she is still bearing hopes on passing; but not with flying colours. She feels over the moon; to feel the presence of God near her everytime; it rains and when she is down. She feels comforted and assuranced. ;)

tears.

2006-06-25T22:19:00.000+08:00

she had an arguement with her mum tpday
she brusted to tears before calling samantha
she almost fell into self pity
she soaked herself with tears while on the phone with samantha
her eyes are swollen and dreamy
her mouth is aint talking

she is just not in the mood.

it took me so long to realise.

2006-06-25T00:34:00.000+08:00

all it took was a " i think i have been very impaitent. "and it came, "easily agitated too." she was taken back a little and it got her thinking. As she really became such a easily angered person? as she really became so self righteous? as she became someone who is less understanding?? as she became very prideful?

she didn't realise it; neither did anyone tell her until now. She knows it is because this holidays has not been very spiritual for her; she has not been constantly doing her quiet time and prayers. It was neither deep nor shallow; it was lukewarm when she does her quiet time. Her thinking some sort had changed as she has became a little too self focus; a little too worldly. She feels that she has lack the communication with people and God as she fixed her eyes on the computer and the handphone; there wasn't much of spending time with christians. She has became so lazy to take the 1st step; to like be open about how she is feeling or struggling with. She felt a little closed and distanced.

somehow or another; as school is starting soon; she is so afraid. As she faces the world of struggles and temptation; she is worried that she might not be able to stay firm. She is worried that her stand as a christian might sway; and she finds it very scarey.

please pray for me; as i struggle as a teenager; as a young christian; as a daughter; as a student; as a sister; as a friend; as a child. please all; i need to spend great quality time with to share.

" mummy; i feel that today i couldn;t do much; it was more of a slacking rather than helping out. Most of us were under packaging; and sharon, slivia went to do clean up and painting."
" why shouldn't we be doing it too?? How come sharon and slivia can? it is kind of waste of time; having to slack rather than helping out."

" Can you stop comparing with people?; just because someone is doing something more than you and more important than you; you are complaining and comparing."
" it doesn't matter how little your effort is; but every part is important."

she feels confused; unhappy. She feels that mummy doesn't understand. As teens; we are full of energy but yet; we were given tasks that we couldn't pretty used our energy. Yup; she agrees that maybe teens might not be able to handle; and we cannot really communicate well with the residents either; but she feels that she is not comparing; just stating how she feels about today event. she just don't understanding why mummy say she needs to pray and repent of having to compare?? Is comparing a sin?? She knows she often look up to people rather than God; she is trying to focus more on God but it is not easy. Why is the word comparing used??

she is off to sleep; no mood to write.

is all about her

2006-06-22T23:56:00.000+08:00

she feels unfair; she feels discouraged
she waits for a reply; not knowing whether she will be accepted or not
but in the end; she waited in vain
all it took was just a phone call to the hospital
she asked when will the interview take place
the reply was pretty discouraging
" if you didn't get a reply 2weeks from your submission, you are just not selected!"
she wasn't asking for a confimation that she will be selected
she just wants a assurance that the hospital do take her as a candidate applying for a job
whether selected or not
she waited; and waited thinking that God was testing her patience
she waited; and argue by her stand that she will waited
despite mummy asking her to call the hospital
she waited; thinking maybe God doesn't see that she is mature enough
to be given such a amount
she felt crushed; she felt doubtful to be honest
she feel like bursting just a balloon into tears
the anticipation that she beared was overwhelming
but the answer she received was too overwhelmed
how can she be so fragile; so weak??
people did encouraged her; it does works
but deep down; she feels hurt; unaccepted
but deep down; she is feeling faithless
but deep down; she knows she have not been relying on God
but deep down; she has not been praying hard enough for God to see her eager heart
but deep down; she know God wants the best for her
but deep down; she know God may just not answer her prayer as it is not the right time
but deep down; she know maybe that was not the plan God had for her
with all the deep downs; she felt a mixture of feelings
she wants to stay faithful as she applys with another hospital but somehow; she is afraid
she wants to rely on God; trusting him that everytime will be planned the best for her
but she is following Peter's footstep having to worship him from a distance
having to not see his miracles so much clearly
as she is typing this; it is raining around her area
she just brust into tears; as raindrops were her comfort given by God
she remembers all the time she feels so encouraged by the rain
as it allows her to feel that God is near
God does feel sad; God just want to encourage her that everything will be fine

i know i will be fine; happy again.

saturday;

2006-06-20T10:59:00.000+08:00

Saturday was a really long long day. I had to wake up early in the morning despite sleeping at 3am on friday. I met dionne to travel down to meet brenda after her bible study to go to east coast. It was mummy's group's funtime!!! i simply love the beach; it is really a nice place to be in. The sound of the wave; the noise of kids and parents playing; the wind blowing onto my face; the peace that comes when i am out of the city environment. It was such a great time bonding between me, dionne and brenda. We cycled again; getting out butts in great pain and sore. argh. After which me and dionne left to bath as we will be having steamboat in the evening. Never will i go to that toliet again, NEVER. The shower room only have one room for showering and worst still there isn't a door!!!! argh, only a curtain to cover. Nevertheless; dionne and I made the resources useful. We met the girls at the marina bay and proceeded to the steamboat place. I guess i was really fussy because we actually changed 3 tables before settling on one. After which eunice and her guy friend came; he seems so familar but i just could not remember who he is. As we began eating, eunice decided to call BEN BEN. It started off with a bad note but ended with a good note though. It was really a get together time and i was exhausted. After eating; the rest went to play aracde where dionne; shu zhi and I travel back home as tml have church; dionne is COMING!! haha; crazy i am. ;)

just friday; saturday will come.

2006-06-20T00:52:00.000+08:00

Friday; i went shopping with dear dionne in orchard; it was extremely crowded. I felt the pace of Singaporeans are simply always on the rush; never laid back. Well; i sometimes don't understand why Great Singapore Sales always comes when i have no money. Argh; didnt get to buy much either but 2 lovely pairs of ears rings. I am so happy that dionne followed me to church; i felt encouraged. MORE too be delighted of was that she had decided to study the bible, what more can i ask for but for my little girl to be save? Nothing is impossible. love you my little girl.

untitled.

2006-06-14T13:55:00.000+08:00

the morning comes and left me with the afternoon
i look out of my window looking for something
i want dearly to see a mircale done in my life
never knowing that it had been happening
often i look towards man and never Him
often i look towards my sins but never my strengths
i fell over and over again
thinking that i would never stand up
i lost my faith once and once again
thinking that it is going to be hard to get it back
as i struggle with the overwhelming of my sins
as i struggle to turn to Him always
i think of how he had forgiven me, how he loves me
it is never easy to be on track with Him
i know everyone has their good and bad times
just like i did
i am glad that i made a decision
to surrender to Him forever
i know when i fall; his hands will always be there
waiting to hold me still and steadily.
i need to learn to rely on Him
not just depending but in trust too
sometimes; i hate myself
for struggling with the sins that i once
had learned to overcome
sometimes; i hate myself
for the mistakes that i have repeatedly
do never thinking before i reacted
i felt not forgiven, i fall into self pity
i felt negelected, i fall into loneliness
but i had actually forgotten
it was I who took such things for granted
it was I who took such things as it should be for me
it was I who never took notice for things around
it was I who never made an effort to stand firm
i fall and grumble like a kid
never thinking that it is no use crying
but now; though i am not prefect
not pretty
but i am unqiue; i am special
i am going to stay strong and firm
never to be swayed again by the temptations, loneliness, self pity
i want to be a star that shines;
to be outwardly focus
to be thinking of others than myself
to be keeping a strong relationship with Him
to be a changed me.

EVENTS.

2006-06-14T00:06:00.000+08:00

Events that have happen in this long time that i have not blogged about my life. Do correct me if i do miss out any important events.

campus cum teens amazing race at sentosa
Actually; i was feeling insecure about going to the event as almost none of the teens sisters and even brothers were going. But God blessed me in many ways; he allowed Samantha to be able to join the event even bringing devin and wei ting along too. It was such a great time bonding between me and devin. He is so cute. God made the event a success when i wasn't the only sister in my group called MAI CHEE; there was vic and manfred too. I get to know each and everyone better and even more delighting is that Shawn Seet followed my group. I think my group had build many good friendship and even team work. WE are SIMPLY UNBEATABLE. i felt encouraged as the amazing race went on. I get to know alfred more; i think i will call him minimi. He is so small in size but he has a huge faith and love for God; he has very good potential for a team leader. I get to know vic more as i would say we kind of lost touch with each other as time goes by, but i am glad that the event brought us closer again. ;) I also get to know this brother named " i forget his name "; i think he is really outgoing and he definitly loves the beach.!! Sadly to say; MAI CHEE came in 1st; i am pretty delighted and excitied too. ;) It is just amazing how God made his plans that falls to place when i am lost. ;)

A special bonding session between the teen sisters.
It was raining; i LOVE raining days. It was truly a great week to start with; with such an awesome semon. I truly learned many things about being filled with the spirit. It was a great time knowing the brothers from other countries like Japan, malaysia and jakarta. The time at sharon's place was awesome, having to talking about stuff like how to improve your way of studying, what can help you study better and stuff. I felt encouraged to see the sisters putting in effort to know each other better like habits and ways we handle things. I think it is really a step higher to our deepen of relationships and friendship though it was a little surface as we didnt talk much about spiritual stuff but this is how we will start off. It is really awesome to know that there are people who think alike and behaves alike too.

Lunching at school with dionne chua liting!!! /evil laughter. ;)
It has been a long timw since i met uo with her since school started. The last time we met up was on my birthday. She is still the same, still likes cam whore, still likes to laugh like nobody's business and having to still likes eat MEAT MEAT MEAT. argh. She super does not like vegetables. But it was a great time spending together and i looking forward to spending with her on friday. /evil laughter.

Pulau Ubin's outing with 7 girls [ plus me of course ]

Angela
Felicia
KL
Kai Ling
Meixian
Natelie
Ting Yu

It start off with FOREVER LATE QUEEN angela being late. We had our yummy nasi lemark for breakfast which we then proceeded to take the ferry. It was photo taking time on the ferry. It was such a great time. The moment the camera is out; it will never stop clicking until we started cycling. But even then; the camera is still clicking. We starts our journey by going to KL's grandmother's place. It is really old but it has a mixture of modern too. It is my 1st time knowing and seeing a house and people who actually lived in pulau ubin. We saw dogs, cats and even a pig; not very sure whether it is a boar or not. Though it is pretty smelly and dirty but it actually made me appericate things that i have take granted for. Her grandmother keeps this dog that is super macho! and a cat who loves our attention, she keeps rolling on the ground and posing for our cameras. After which we to the beach where we lost our way and found out way. As we rest to appericate the view of the sea, there goes the camera again. We cycled back to the starting point to rest and have coconut drink. We then return to KL's grandmother place as her lovely and nice aunty actually cooked a meal for us. It bought back many memories of my grandmother who is no longer living. The style and taste of the dishes are quite smiliar even the atmosphere was the same. I felt loved. After the late lunch; it was a time of singing songs during campfire like :" i got peace like a river" i guess we were bored and needed things to self entertain. At last it was time to go home, we go all extremely tired and fatigue. But that isnt the end of our trip, there goes the camera clicking sound; this time photos are taken on the rocks and even our names drawn on the sand. It seems like we had some time trying to figure out a sea creature that spit water out when you touch it before the camera starts clicking until the time we landed in singapore. It was a great time and a great time of bonding.
On my way home with natelie and meixian, i found out about their family life and i felt so blessed by God. I felt that they are really strong girls who really has mature thinking. My heart just goes to them when they share about their life. I am encouraged to know that they do not bear grudges or even hatred. I just feel that God is just so awesome!!! He protects and take care of them so dearly and i know they will be future taken care by God. ;)

p.s meixian i really appericate the things you share for it is not easy to talk about such sensitive issue but i am so delighted to be the one just like natelie to do your struggles.

p.s natelie, i really appericate you for having to think about every aspects of life and even atttending to the needs of others.

:)

2006-06-05T00:52:00.000+08:00

i am craving for ben and jerry's ice cream.
argh.

FELICIA IS HAPPY.

2006-05-03T13:58:00.000+08:00

I enjoyed myself today, with my friends from school. You guys has never fail to bring laughter and smiles to my face and my day. :) I am so happy to receive a bunch of flowers from our dear ting yu. She is really the apple of all our eyes. Thanks girl. I am so happy to have eaten my chocolate cake. It was delicious. YUM YUM. The cake was bought by our big sister angela. She really is someone i can definitely look up to. Thanks girl. I am so thankful to have such a crazy group of friends to make my school days enjoyable and forward looking.

NR0620

angela = the girl whose laugther can makes my stomach giggle, she really made me know how difficult life can be. ;)
ting yu = the girl who is really sugar high, the apple of all of us, a smart girl too and VERY VERY ACTIVE. ;)
kwang li = the extremely sporty girl, who never really have time to rest. poor girl :(
natalie = the femine and gentle girl, who loves dogs just like me. cheers. ;)
xiu ling = the girl who has the brains, who loves music. yea!;)
tian shun = my brother!!, he always kanna bullied by the girls but he is really helpful and LAME too. ;)
candy = the ba ba. ;)
mei xian = the tall girl who has such a caring heart to ensure that i get enough rest. ;)
kai ling = the girl who like wang lee hom, who knows what she wants in life. ;)
soo wen = the girl who never fail to entertian us from boredom. ;)

thanks for everything you guys do for me. ;) Hope our friendship would deepen even more.

untitled.

2006-04-29T19:10:00.000+08:00

Sometimes; i wonder when will i stop yearning for certain things. Things that are not required, not necessary, not needed. Sometimes, i wonder when will the world stop and be ended so that i can stop struggling to be what i think is a great christian. But actually; i have forgetten that christian do make mistakes. Sometimes, i wonder when will i stop judging and assuming things. Things which was a past, things that was i still yearn and look forward too.

Birthday's coming; his too. Not looking forward because school starts at 8am and ends at 5pm. No green pony shoe for me.

DOWN THE NARROW PATHWAY.

2006-04-15T23:48:00.000+08:00

down the narrow pathway, i will walk.
to see the light that once was dark.
i struggle to make things right,
never knowing that it was pride.
the words are written just for me,
to correct and rebuke; the prideful heart.
the temptations of the world; i will stop
for the wrong ways that leads to death.
i struggle against the evil thoughts of man,
never thinking that i was one of them.
i want so much to lean and trust,
but somehow i am losing it so fast.
where is the faith that i use to have?
where is the dependence i once yearn for?
i am losing this so slow; yet so soon.
down the narrow pathway; i will survive
against the sorrows of the world.
to know that he is now and forever.

LAME

2006-04-14T17:39:00.000+08:00

Name 20 people you can think of right now. Don't read the questions below until you name all 20 people. After everything, tag at least 5 people. Ready? Start!

Samantha
Jacinda
Dionne
Jessica
Jiayi
Fiona
Sharon
Shawn Seet
Lincoln
Manfred
Wai cheng
EJ
Marc
Pamela
Natalie
Su Yin
Elvin
Kai Ling
Rachel
Miss Lim

Ok now for the questions.

How did you meet number 14?

I knew Pamela when her family just came to church. At that time; i was still young; and still in kids kingdom. Now; she is sec2 so i am old. :( I also really playing with her some silly silly games when i was still in kids kingdom. At that time; she has no braces yet and not as tall as now.

What would you do if you never met 1?

I think i would be lost in the world. Samantha have always been my listening ear. We know each other for at least 10years and still counting. We have not had our downs yet but i know we can overcome anything that is place in front of us. Samantha have been my pillar of support and she have really show me what true friendship is with christians.

What would you do if 19 and 20 dated?

oh man; i don't think they even know each other lah. but even if they do; age gap is too big. moreover; i think both are straight and that is confirm. No thoughts of otherwise. But even if they do; i don't think it will last because Miss Lim teacher leh, and rachel student leh.

Have you ever liked 19?

yea; i love pamela to bits. :) she is a really awesome girl with big dreams and big appettie. hmmm. ;)

Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?

HAHA; no i don't think so. I think both of them will not like each other. Well; they don't even know each other, how to like anyway. hmmm; if they do; i think they would because both are wild creatures. ;)

Describle 3.

Dionne is someone very crazy, crazy, crazy!. she really don't like to be tan and loves techno music which i cannot relate. ( just don't understand why people don't like to be tan lah. ) She talks really loudly and can eat a lot a lot. She likes to eat meat and potato and rice. She really like guys who knows magic. Well; she is my partner for she is AS BLUR AS ME, but i am not as slow as her lah. She doesn't like to take bus or mrt but rather TAXI. OH YA; she is always LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE!!!!

Do you think 8 is attractive?

Attractive? NO. well; of cuz not. Shawn is my KOR; a awesome too. He was one of the reason i felt that people care for me. He really made you think and really let yo understand yourself better. He treats his mei vey good one; just like me!!! ;) no wonder size also the same. haha. opps.!!

Say something about 7.

AIYOOOOOO!! Aunty Sharon. She is super aunty lo, but i love her to bits. She is one awesome girl who wanna be righteous for God in many ways in her life. She is really lame and can really jokes. She is a girl who looks like 12 yr old kid but actually think maturely. She really like cute cute stuff and she is our camera girl. I love her living room!!!!

Do you know any of 12's family?

Yes, i do. EJ's elder sister Sera. His mum; auntie Kim.

What is 8's fave?

FOOD. FOOD. FOOD. FOOD. FOOD. FOOD. FOOD and FOOD.

What would you do if 18 confessed that he/ she likes you?

I only know Kai ling yesterday. Well; even if it is true. i will say i like her too. ;)

What langauages does 15 speaks?

hmmm; well. i am not too sure. But i do know Natalie speaks chinese and english. I just know her yesterday.

Who is 9 going out with?

well; i am not too sure either. Not me of cuz. haha. ;)

How old is 16 now?

Su Yin has already turn 18. argh. well; i just know her yesterday too. All thanks to the bad arrangement or else, we will be in the same group. haha. NR31. bleah. ;)

When was the last time you spoke to 13?

I think is last week in msn. We crapped and talked about our secondary school days. It was so fun talking to him rather than his twin brother. Well; i guess we will not talk much already cuz i am starting school and our marc kor is working and starting school soon too.

What is 2 fav band/ singer?

Jacinda loves to listen all type of songs. No favourite; if she feel that the song has meaning and also suit her mood; she will listen to it. ;)

Have you ever date 4?

Haha; date? Yes; plenty too. It would be great to go out "dates" with jessica. haha oh well; she is married. haha ( i no chance liao ) opps. i am straight.

Would you ever date 7?

Oh well; i am currently dating aunty sharon lah. ;)

Is 15 single?

I am not sure.

What is 10's last name?

Sadly; i have no idea. Manfred what is your surname huh???

Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?

Haha; well, i am straight. But if i am a guy; haha, i will. opps. joking. ;)

What school does 3 goes to?

NP!!!!!!!

Where does 6 lives?

Fionaaaaaa lives in seng kang!!!!!!!!!!

What is your favourite thing about 5?

I love her smile; and her deep conviction for God. I love the way she shows how a christian should react to different suitation. I simply thinks she is awesome. Jiayi rocks!!!

Have you seen 1 naked?

NO NO NO. i dont think it would be nice to see anyway. opps. haha. ;)

Now tag 5 people

Dionne
Jiayi
Lincoln
Manfred
Miss Lim

ARGH.

2006-04-11T23:18:00.000+08:00

argh. argh. argh.
cant i just view my point of view? most of the time; i listen and yes i do. just because today; i made my view; you scream at me. you didn't do your quiet time and you are stress. so i am the one you vent your anger on. you didnt state clearly what you want. you didnt even remind. preparation for school, is needed and you are not happy when i buy certain things, i dont want to be those who last minute get their stuff for poly. i just don't understand what you want and what you are thinking. sometimes; i wish i could quickly start school.

JACINDA FRIST SPIRITUAL B"DAY

2006-04-11T00:42:00.000+08:00

credits to aunty sharon camera. ( JACINDA'S FIRST SPIRITUAL BIRTHDAY).
girl; i hope you enjoy yourself today.

innocent as a rose :)))))

big smile :))))))))

her tongues had lost control.

decent one.

tongues out. you 2

aunty sharon loves jacinda. :)))))

aunty jacinda loves sharon. :))))))

two aunties.

birthday girl loves eating. yum's.

hmm; what would she be wishing for?

birthday song!!!!

our dear jacinda is READY to eat her cake. :)))

SONY 2

2006-04-08T01:26:00.000+08:00

you too, i am looking so forward to school.

SONY 1

2006-04-08T01:23:00.000+08:00

wait till i get my bond; you aint running away from me. argh.

AMEN

2006-04-08T00:35:00.000+08:00

Praise the Lord who made me fearfully and wonderfully.!!!!! i am going to shout his praises. It is how amazing God works in the life of mine and the people around me. Today; i not knowing what was going to be teached was looking forward to service. Never did i know that today really let me voiced what i have been feeling this few days. I had a great time with the girls having roti prata; like paper prata; like plain prata; and yummy mee goreng ( luckily is shared or not i am going to be fat. ) After which; we went to bugis for a shopping mania. Actually the person who went crazy shopping was dionne, i was more of planning what to buy. hee. But anyway, i did buy a shirt and 3 pairs of ear rings. NICE. Then all the sudden; dionne ask me whether there is church service today; i was YES YES YES there is.

I was overwhelmed and excited. Well, usually i am the one who ask her to come to church but i was over the moon when she asked me. i was even more excited and encouraged when she even ask shu zhi to come; but sadly she didn't but i will still try. i was amazed totally; and i was waiting for more miracles to be revealed. After that everything well, so so smoothly. Though we were late, not because we wanted but because we waited for the bus 30mins, bus commotion between a mother and the bus driver because of the ezlink lasted for 10min; i was gratedful that everything was God's plan. I think God really want to make me realise that i need to pray and hope in faith patiently for things to happen and not rush God. AMAZING.

I was totally shocked to realise that Uncle teck meng was talking about friendship; i was actually going to brust with joy. I feel that God works so differently and espcially when things is going well outside while inside of your heart is suffering. i just feel so relieved and happy to just share my thoughts about friendship; and also made me realise how much i need to learn to be a better friend. I need to build more close +++++++++ friend in church. =) some things are to be confidental. so hmmm. haha oh well, nites though. ( as i was struggling with friendship problems i too struggle to keep my faith but i am blessed to see miracles be revealed when the time is right. )

ARGH.

2006-03-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

i am affect badly, i admit i am. don't you guys think we are so different now? don't you guys think we are basically treating each other as strangers? like we no longer exist in each other life? where were all the times that we spend crapping and really just talking? where were the times we spend hanging out at sentosa? has working during the holidays put a stop in our friendships?

i need answers badly.

WEAK

2006-03-25T19:09:00.000+08:00

father;

how i wished you were here; how i wished you were here. i know you hear my cries and i know you understand my fear. i know you see through my weaknesses and my strength. i know you trust me to make the right decisions. i know how much you want me to seek after you. i know you understand my struggles. father; i yearn for you more than i once do. i realised that despite the setbacks i often have, i do know you feel for me and encourage me with the rain. i know why it was rainning this few days because i know i need to be assuranced by you. father; as a week is coming to an end, i know i have my up and down with lots of grumbling and arguing. BUT; i know its something that i need to grow out of it. father; i need you as much as i need the rain. father.....

VERSES.

2006-03-25T19:02:00.000+08:00

1 thessalonians 5:16-18

" Be joyful always; pray continually; gives thanks in all circumstance for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. "

John 14: 1

" Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God and also in me. "

Luke 14:11

" For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled and he who humble himself will be exalted. "

James 3:18

" Peacemarkers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteouseness. "

James 4:6

" God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. "

1 Peter 5:5

" Clothe yourself with humility towards one another. "

prayer

2006-03-19T17:03:00.000+08:00

dear father;

i pray that everything at home will be fine and that is all i asked.

amen.

BACK

2006-03-05T21:50:00.000+08:00

yes yes. i am back from a terribly long break. all thanks to brenda, keep snatching the computer from me. i will get a lap top when i have MONEY. soon soon. grins =)

when i feel emotional, when i feel discouraged, when i feel alone, when i feel sad, when i feel faithless. i pray for rain, not only are my tears unseen, raindrops calm me down for i know he is near me and i know earnestly that he understand and feel what i am going through.

SHAWN WOOTEN
19th Feb 2006
G.O.D

1. GOD loves me. smiles. =)
1 John 4:10-11. i am so encouraged when i know how much GOD loves me. Shawn wooten remind me that i cannot replace anything for GOD's love and i cannot put anything to increase GOD's love for me.

I totally agree with Shawn Wooten that i need to love GOD 1st before loving people because the amount i love GOD would be the amount i would love people. If i don't know how to love GOD, how would i be able to love people when GOD is love? If i don't know how to love GOD, how would i love people for who they are? As GOD filled my life with so many people who loves me; his unlimited and unconditionally love, how can i not love people? how can i be so selfish not to share the love i have receive?

1 Corinthians13:4-8. The bible is not only my spiritual food but it is to make us change and to make me realise how much GOD loves me. LOVE = JESUS. i am felt so assured when Shawn Wooten remind me that GOD always protects me, he always trust me and that he will never give up on me no matter how much suffering he has to go thru and how long he must wait.

2. GOD has a plan for me. so sweet =)
Romans 6:23 " For the wages of sin is death but the gift of GOD is eternal life in JESUS CHRIST." Jesus is willing and more willing to take the blame for me, to wash my sin to give me eternal life; a room in heaven. Jesus is willing to switch the road of smooth life with my life full of sins. i just feel like screaming out loud. how can i let a sin-less man take the blame of my sins to allow me to have eternal life? I totally agree that my greatest blessing is my salvation for GOD.

I am fearfully and wonderfully ME, GOD says i am unqiue and beautiful inside. I feel so encouraged and i feel so assured. I too feel so taken care of. When GOD created me, he actually want me to fulfil his purpose for me and when i do breakdown it is because i am using my life wrongly, away from the purpose GOD has for me. I totally agree with Shawn Wooten when he says that GOD want us to pour to him whether it is good or bad. He wants us to depend on him and him alone. I just feel that GOD really want to draw me to him so close so close. GOD want to be with me always and always.

Mark 1:16-17. GOD not only want me to be saved physicially but also changed from inside. GOF wants me to smile from the inside, he wants me to laugh from my heart. GOD has confirmed that i've a room which is specially designed for me, like lime and orange and brown coloured walls. hmmm. =) GOD loves me so much that he is totally free to be with me 24/7. I just loved the fact that i have a stamp/ birthright that i am his and that he is coming back for me. I was moved to tears when Shawn Wooten say that JESUS will say:" Felicia, i am so proud of you, for you did not give up. WELCOME HOME!!" i could feel my heart pumping hard and i seems to lost my breath. i just feel so loved by him and him only. =)

LIFE IS AWESOME.

2006-02-20T16:06:00.000+08:00

METANOIA = REPENTANCE

Truthfully, my conviction for my father up in heaven had grew deeper after shawn wooten's message on saturday and sunday. I am thankful for God for shawn wooten's impacting message that really made me feel so impacted. =) He made me realised that God have always had a room prepared for me, and just waiting for me to moved into that room.

HOUSE OF GOD. 18.02.06

i am so encouraged when God says we can come home anytime. It made me realise that even though i shut him out of my life once and many times in the past, he was faithful to wait for me to come home. He was so sure that i will return home no matter how long he must wait.

Living Room = a place where I can relax and be with my family. It is also a place where god wants to have and build a relationship with me. EPH 1:5 " he predestined us to be adopted as his son through Jesus Christ in avvordance with his pleasure and will ". Wow, wow, wow!! God adopted me not because of what I have but because of what I need and god had given me his last time to be my last name. Sometimes, I think that I can be so consumed by the world that I have forgotten that god adopted me through Jesus Christ not to set me free but to bring me to a home where I am well protected and well taken care of. Which is why, when I am in the living room, i need and must learn to take the time together to build a deeper relationship with my family.

Balcony= a place where i have a peace of mind and know that God is the BIGGEST. I agreed with shawn wooten with the point when i stay at home too often, i began to forget how big God is. It is so true, because when i stay at home too long, i feel very lazy and when problems arise, God is out of the picture and he is made very very small as i used to doubt in his abilities. JOB 38:1-7, 16, 21,24-25. It is so true that sometimes we as christians made God so small, so predictable and sometimes we can even control God. When shawn wooten asked, how big is my God? How big am i going to let him be? I realised that God is big in my life and i am going to make him bigger, bigger and even bigger!!!! I learned that balcony is also a place where you go to when you feel faithless. When you see how wide the sky is, it always reminds you of God's widdest love.

Bathroom = a place where you can be alone with god and a confession room. I think i need to be in the bathroom more. =) ha's. I totally agree when shawn wooten say the world is not a place for my heart. ROMANS 3:23-24 " for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of god and are justified freely by his grace through redemption that came by Christ Jesus ". I have never realised that quitting was to betray God and sinning was not to get back to God. Once, when i struggle with my sin, i hide it as i thought no one understand how i struggle to fight against the sin. But actually, God understands. What are you going to do with your trouble days? shawn wooten asked. It made me ponder because at the moment i am not facing any difficulties but when problems arises, will i stay faithful that God will provide a way out for me? or will i doubt in his abilities and give up? i realised; that i am going to cling on closely to his hands and not give up no matter what. What really hit me was when shawn wooten say :" nothing can make me sin only what i desire that make me sin". I felt very challanged because i used to think that i sin because the world cause me to sin but never did i know that it was me who cause me to sin.

Bedroom = a place where you know your name is placed on the saved sign board. The biggest thing that can happen to me, is to know that my name is in the saved sign board and that the assurance that God had promised to protect me and lead me through my days as a christian. The saddest thing would be for me to looked at the number of names that is in the lost sign board and realised that my family members, my close friends names to be in that sign board. It hit me hard, because i know i have not been reaching out to the lost to made God known to them and to know that they will be save. I cannot bear a thought that my family will not be in heaven with me. It really made me decide to really reach out to the lost to invite them to church to let them know the God that made the heaven and earth and us; humans.

Studyroom = the question and answer room. I have always been in the studyroom because i used to doubt on God and question him. 1 john 5: 3 " this is love for God; to obey his commands and his commands are not burdensome." God has plan for me to simply obey him and he does not want anything in return. I have really understand now why, judas was the one to betray Jesus. Lord = when he say, i obey. Teacher = when he say, i am doubt and choose not to believe and do.

Kitchen = a place where God is the chef as he will decide what i shall have because there is no menu. It is also a place where it is open 24 hours and it doesn't cost a cent. I am so encouraged when i heard that God prepares the meal for me, with no less but always something that is best for me and even more than what i expected. God knows inside out what i need and what i don't need in my life. Often, we take things for grated as a result we judge God for the meal he has prepared for us. I was so impacted when i heard that God is with me through the tempatations and rough patches to see me grow and mature. I loved the most is : " when you faced temptation, it is because God sees your heart to change and mature."!!!!!!!!

i think God is simply working in each and everyone's life. I have seen samantha grew in her faith and conviction for God and it totally spear me to work harder to have more faith in God. I just feel that shawn wooten's message totally blew my mind. =)

ps. i liked shawn wooten's wife the russian accent, it is so nice.

BE MY VALENTINE

2006-02-14T15:49:00.000+08:00

"Be my valentine". this are the words i hear each time i turn the radio on while going to work. who do i want for my valentine? truthfully, i don't know because i've no favourite brother at the moment but i do know i would have a date for such a lovely day; well, JESUS CHRIST that is & the gathering of the sisters at sharon's place. So see, my valentine day is going to be awesome, jealous right? well, i know the guys are. ;) Valentine day shouldn't be just today but everyday, it is a time to be giving and letting people around you feel special & encouraged. I feel the same too. =)

1 Corinthians 12:4-8

2006-02-13T16:08:00.000+08:00

LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking and it keeps no records of wrongs. LOVE does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protect, always trust, always hopes and always perseveres.

LOVE NEVER FAILS.

RENEWED 12th feb 2006

2006-02-12T23:22:00.000+08:00

12th feb 2006,

my baptism day, my marriage, my birthright, my new life, my salvation. My life is a miracle that i really could not believed. From a young girl, to a rebel teen, to a emotional and stupid teenager to now a new FELICIA; cleaned because of jesus's blood that washed my sins away. Words simply cannot express how i feel today, it had been a crying session for me. MY EYES ARE SWOLLEN. =) The faith that i have for god has grown dramatically as my daddy appeared in church today. My tears simply couldn't hold back, they are just like over flowing water. I couldn't even believed that i get baptised today, i never thought this day would come. I am so thankful for the people who had made me the FELICIA i am today, without you guys, i wouldn't know how far will i go; esp my mum. This is the day which i have long for when i decided to study the bible again. I went to made a ring to craved today's date and GOD LOVES FELICIA. I am simple so encourage by how god had worked in my life without fail even though i have doubts in him. Now, no longer will i doubt and not trust but he will be my everything; everything i desire for. I am just so emotional because of the rough patches i have to go through will my mum to finally be baptised. I am so happy to have a TWIN; slivia!! Finally, father i am home!!! =)

BAPTISM

2006-02-02T22:01:00.000+08:00

Today, jessscia asked me: "how much do I actually yearn to get baptize? Do I really really really wan get baptize? "

dear father, I really really really yearn to get baptize. But father, repentance take a long time and I am afraid I will not be able to make it for Valentine day. Father, I am trying very hard to repent but I think my repentance take quite some time. Father, I am struggling still with my pride, insecurities, arrogance, judgemental character. father. Father, i too struggle in trusting you in changing my life. Though, there are so many upexplainable stages to go thru, father i am willing. But father, i am trying to really be outward focus to really be out of myself to be righteous for you. father teach me to not doubt in you like i used too. Father, show me my heart and tell me whether i am ready to take up the commitment and to get baptize. i pray earnestly father, and i know you will answer my prayers. :)

MOOD SWINGS

2006-01-27T00:30:00.000+08:00

Being always the one giving can be tired at times. I do feel that way. I am always close my eyes and pretend that nothing had happen. But it is time that i stop pretending. Most of the time, i am the one getting hurt and miserable. I have always been trying to change myself to suit people, sometimes i feel like a man pleaser. i get sensitive at times; often at night.

dionne
my limits is limited but my giving is unlimited. i trust you actually understand what i meant. i am so sorry if you felt difted away from me. i have always been the one sms-ing or calling you, i felt as if i am spoon feeding you. you need to be mature even though you're the youngest among the 3 of us. i feel that i always give in to you and in the end, i am spoiling you as a result you don't learn to make your own decision and also consider how others will feel. Often, you think mostly about yourself which sometimes i feel discouraged. I know often how you felt, because i am often the one feeling that way, not only you. But i rather not say because i know you will be affected. Often, i am the one taking it in no matter what and defending you no matter what, sometimes i feel i have done too much for you that often you had taken me for granted. I just hope you understand how i feel because i understand how you feel. I just hope the misunderstanding you have about me and the misunderstanding i have about you will be clear soon. called if you read this. thanks.

please pray for samamtha, her grandfather just died. thanks.
please pray for me too. thanks.

PMS.

2006-01-19T16:30:00.000+08:00

Let your words be my assurance.

this words pop out of no way, it made me ponder. whose words am i ready to take as an assurance? his words or his words or GOD'S words or NONE?

sometimes, i wonder am i ready to let go. it seems so easy for me at the 1st place but at the same time it is actions that speaks the loudest. his words of assurance really made me feel so secure no matter what. it made me understand that changes in my character is not a burden but a joy. It seems so impossible to actually know i am just a close friend to him as he fell in love with another. i felt. SAD.SAD.SAD. sometimes i wonder, is it true if you and tt person doesn't work out, you actually end up as close friends? close buddies? close brothers? close sisters? or do you and that person becomes enemies? strangers? i really don't know. Maybe, PMS just makes people think crazy. =(

these few days, spending time talking to jacinda on msn and meeting for spend time before bible studies and dinner before mid week really made me learn a lot of things from her. sometimes her questions really made me ponder a lot and it makes me wanna know her even more. i just wish i could spend time with fiona and sharon. yesterday, i spend time with jacinda and sharon up the roof talk after service. it is amazing how sharon really wanna stay faithful to GOD and how she really wanna stay righteous. i felt so bad not getting a flower for her. i just felt so impacted by her because she really observe people a lot and she really tried to make the effort to make the person smile. It is also funny to know what types of guys do the girls dislike. haha. oh well, i am so happy when i see fiona smile when i give her the flower. i just hope she is encouraged and i really hope to spend some time with her. =) i was also so encouraged by how jacinda and manfred cleared their misunderstanding and BAs. i just think it is only in church that BAs get resloved. i just feel so good to know i am in chruch that i am be open about how i feel and stuff. i just feel so impacted to get people to come to chruch to really have their heart soften and changed. i just feel so great to know i am a christian. i just really hope i am get baptised. please pray for me ok?? thanks. =)

DOWN THE ROAD.

2006-01-15T23:01:00.000+08:00

My days has not been very great indeed. I am feelings tons of emotions. I am thinking a lot that i think all my brain cells are going to be dead. My thoughts had been travelling from one end of the world to another. It has been moving in circles, squares and rectangles. Is had affected me in physicially as i am not ready to take a jump from the highest mountain. Many times in a day, break downing seems pretty normal, it seems to be haunting me very seconds, minutes, hours and days. It seems like i am on the verge of falling over the bridge again. It seems to be happening everytime i study bible, everytime without fail. Being happy go lucky can help me in some ways, forgetting what is bad and upset and remembering the happy moments but at the same times it kills me. This is because the words and actions i put across to people can be misinterpreted or misunderstood or assumed. I know it is not as if people are bias or what, is just that maybe i need to really watched what i say and how i reacted in certain suitation and problems. But sometimes, i feel so tired because i cannot be myself. I guess i am not matured enough to understand how people might think and take it in some way or another. =( shall blog another time. need a break.

2006-01-13T11:37:00.000+08:00

Don't think, FEEL

YEA YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-01-07T21:52:00.000+08:00

I AM PISSED, DAMM PISSED
I DON'T KNOW WHO ACTUALLY CALLED THAT UGLY MARK FOO
HE CALLED MY HOME SWEET HOME THEN HE KEEP ASKING WHO CALLED HIM
I AM LIKE WHO WOULD WANT TO CALL HIM ANYWAY
I COULDN'T HEAR HIM CLEARLY EITHER SO I KEEP SAYING HUH, HUH, HUH!!!!!!
DEN HE SAY I CALLED HIM 6 TIMES AND THAT HE IS PISSED
I WAS LIKE HUH??????
DEN HE WAS PISSED DEN ALL THE VULGAR CAME OUT OF HIS DIRTY MOUTH
I WAS LIKE WHAT???
HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO A GIRL AND THAT IS ME
I AM TOTALLY PISSED!!!!
IS LIKE I DON'T HAVE HIS NUMBER AND THE PERSON WHO ACTUALLY HAVE HIS NUMBER IS BRENDA.
BUT BRENDA SAY SHE DIDN'T CALL HIM AT ALL
DEN HOW??????

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-01-06T08:45:00.000+08:00

okok. i am starting work on saturday. i meant it is like tml. worst still. i have to work on sunday. i tried, i tried asking if i can don't work on sunday but BOSS say cannot. argh. how?? i discuss with mummy, and since i only need to work for 14days which mean i will have to skip 2 sundays right?? oh well. discouraged and disappointed. i am going to skip this sunday whereas the other sunday, mummy is working for me until after church i go down to bugis. well, the job was introduced by my auntie. the hours are like 10am to 6pm and the pay is quite good too. aiya. den after this job from the 7th to the 21st of jan. i have another from the 23rd to the 27th of jan, same hours but pay is so much higher. oh no. have i become so money face???????????????????????? i DON"T WANT. but well, i think working is better than i stay at home doing nothing right? moreover, how much more can i ask for??? i prayed to god for a job and he gave me one but here i am complaining. argh!!!! dilema!! at least i can go to service on friday, or else my spiritual life is definitely going to go down. and you all know if i go down, it is way down. well, pray for me ya.

KEEP THIS PEOPLE IN YOUR PRAYER

Peck Yoke, her condition isn't good, anytime she will be with god
Jessica, her work is increasing and so is her stress level
Wai cheng, for her health to recover and for her work attachement to china not to be so long
Manfred, to not think jacinda is against him and to feel close to god again
Ivan, his plea to his father will get heard and that he can get baptised soon
Lincoln, his hot tempered will turn to hot tempered MILD
Xavier, to start studying the bible, and to be serious
Augustine, for him not to sleep in the service and start studying the bible again
Addis, to keep coming to church and for him to take good care of himself
Ej, to study hard for this is an important year and to keep coming to church
Erica, to feel secured and be open during the bible studies
Siona, to finish studying the bible soon and get baptise
Slivia, to study the bible and be close to God
Sharon, to do well in her retail course and grow closer to god
Jasmine, to made a decision to be baptise and to be more respectful to her parents
Fiona, to be full of faith and not to be discouraged
Jacinda, to trust in God and not doubt his abilities

yea. people keep them in your prayers!!! cya tonight during service!! tata.

my resolution for the year 2006!!!

2006-01-04T00:01:00.000+08:00

I need to learn to trust and rely on God withoiut doubting on his words and abilities
I need to learn to have a humble heart that is open to accept and change my weakness
I want to get baptised on Valentine Day!! [that would be so sweet]
I am not going to missing a single quiet time and prayer this year so as to be constant in my relationship with God
I need to learn to be accountable for every actions and responsibilies
I need to learn to show respect and be understandinf to brenda and mummy and debra
I need to learn to build a closer and stronger friendship with the 3 sisters jacinda, fiona, sharon and definitely the brothers too like shawn poh, benjamin poh, kynaston, lincoln, xavier, ivan, addis, ej and augustine
I am going to remember every teen's birthdays and spiritual birthdays
I am going to write encouragement card to every teens every month without fail
I am going to reach out to dionne in a special way to make her feel and come closer to god
I am going to lost 10kg before christmas!!

this are just my resolution for the year 2006. not very sure whether i can handle it but i will try my best!!

year end party!

2006-01-03T01:20:00.000+08:00

the year end party was a bomb!! a huge bomb. well, the day definitely started with the spending time with the girls, sharon, jasimine and jacinda at the swimming pool. we met in the morning to tan and swim. well, guess what i was late. so sorry girls. =( we had fun talking about things and can you imgaine ghost stories in the morning in the water sometimes totally freaks me out. after which i hurried off for an interview for a job, well, it was alright and i am sure i am not getting tt job, it is kind of boring and the manager is gay. i repeat myself gay. he has dyed hair like pink and long finger nails. i was like wow, wow, wow.

i cannot imgaine seeing one myself. after which hurried back home to pack and wait for dear brenda to come home as she is out to take my lovely computer back!! it was just a long waiting time. she was pissed by mummy and i was pissed by her as she cause me to be late in meeting sharon, jasmine, jacinda again. we hurried down to get brown rubber bands for the girls and hurry to church. i hurried tied their hair as a result i didn't really get to tie mine well, i am giving. =) after which meet up the boys and we set at the top and many ppl came dressed nicely. like fiona, she was so pretty i guess many guys were blown away. like e j who was dressed very cow boy and definitely the hat and shoes and belt make his outfit complete. like erin, she look so lovely well, a hat would make it complete! the service was kind of boring a little as john's messange was kind of deep and i don't really understand. everything starts having fun when the teens sit at near the stage and the games began. it was fun asking the girls, fiona and sharon, the boys e j and martin up on stage to play the games. i

t was fun looking how auntie sharon look. joking. how fiona is trying to get going. it was fun. but i think the best part comes when we started the line dancing. me and jacinda and jasmine and sharon had tons of fun stepping on each other toes. after which it was the real fun, dancing till the clock strikes 12. it was awesome, the sisters went crazy dancing, looking crazy, acting crazy and definitly losing our nice image. haha. opps. where as the brothers was slacking not having fun at all until we pulling a few guys into the circles making them dance like crazy. i think the praying part to invite the new year really made all our knees cracked! the teens went to pungol plaza to go to the washroom and definitly get food and drinks to get through the nigt. it was a terrible long walk distance without the bus. and i was totally freak out when ppl started telling the ghost stories. it totally FREAK ME OUT. guys/girls don't ever do it again in the night. we had plan maffia and true/true through the night and took the early bus home. i was totally pissed by someone's attitude and i think if that someone isn't going to change things isn't work out very nicely with that person and me for sure. how pathetic!!

we took the earliest bus to hougang took of having mac for breakfast. sadly, ivan went home first because he wasn't feeling very well. sadly, mac only opens at 7am while we were there at 6pm. we totally had to slacked for an hour or more. jasmine and sharon and brenda and jennifer and manfred. the rest was talking and slacking. after which every one got hyper because of addis handphone's game. i played it and i think it is truly hyper. after much, sharon and jasmine went home 1st while the rest had breakfast. jacinda and brenda fell asleep while jennifer was busy eating with the boys while i stone so by the time i reach home was already 830am. i felt so bad, making ej, addis, lincoln and manfred take the bus with me and brenda to take our bus home. sorry guys, oh esp ej, he was tired tt he felt alseep on the bus. =( well, it was great that ej and addis hurried and got a taxi real soon where as lincoln and manfred had to wait for quite a while for taxi which none was seen or was on call or was taken. they had to cross the bridge to get taxi. well, when me and brenda board our bus, only manfred could not get a cab. felt bad for him but who cares?? opps. joking. i think it was great that jessica actually brain wash me to go or else i didn;t actually wanted to go kind of feeling very insecure. but now i think. who cares right?? yea. i totally had fun!! i definitely cannot wait for the next one.

i am finally back!

2006-01-03T00:58:00.000+08:00

yes yes. i am back. my computer crashed on me. leaving me no computer to blog. i terribly need to blog and yes blog.

well. first 1st teens retreat

well, some how tt is the only picture i had gotten. teens reading it please send me. i am dieing to have photos. :)

second, new year party!

they are the people who rock my world. they [ sharon, jacinda, jasmin and me for the girls. addis, kynaston, shawn poh, benjamin poh, e j, lincoln, ivan and xavier for the boys ] stand a important place in my tiny little heart. aiyo, just don't really know where they are pointing. alamak! Looks like addis is trying to steal the lime light!! opps!!

well, 4 girls and 2 girls. nice combination?? well. i think so. jacinda and i looks funny & definitely weird. sharon and jasmine are so cute. addis and e j are simply stealing the lime light. aint they just awesome?? lovely!!

oh well, oh well, 3 girls and 1 boy. hmmmm. i looked weird and super tanned. I think next time i will have to smile a little not too wide. hmmm. sharon is so cute. jamine seems distracted. well e j id definitely not speaking anything. :)))))) nice!!!

something nice???

2005-11-29T17:10:00.000+08:00

tongues out sis!!!!

monkey look alike??

:))

2005-11-28T23:57:00.000+08:00

i just love the company of this girls!! :))
i simply love my tag board!! bleah!!!

i love this song :)))))

2005-11-28T17:08:00.000+08:00

Craig David
I JUST DON"T LOVE YOU NO MORE
[VERSE 1]
For all the years that I've known you baby
I can't figure out the reason why lately you've been acting so cold (didn't you say)
If there's a problem we should work it out
So why you giving me the cold shoulder now Like you don't even wanna talk to me girl (tell me) Ok I know I was late again I made you mad and then it's throwing the pan
But why are you making this drag on so long (i wanna know)
I'm sick and tired of this silly games (silly games)
Don't figure that I'm the only one here to blame
It's not me here who's been going round slamming doors
That's when you turned and said to me I don't care babe who's right or wrong I just don't love you no more.
[CHORUS]
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said I just don't love you no more
[VERSE 2]
I know that I made a few mistakes
But never thought that things would turn out this way
Cause I'm missing something now that your gone (I see it all so clearly)
Me at the door with you inner state (inner state) Giving my reasons
but as you look away I can see a tear roll down your face That's when you turned and said to me I don't care babe who's right or wrong I just don't love you no more.
[CHORUS]
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said I just don't love you no more
[BRIDGE]
Don't say those words it's so hard They turn my whole world upside down Girl you caught me completely off guard On the night you said to me I just don't love you more.
[CHORUS 2X]
Rain outside my window pouring down What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry Feeling like a fool cause I let you down Now it's, too late, to turn it around I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry I guess this time it really is goodbye You made it clear when you said I just don't love you no more

recount of the entire week!

2005-11-27T16:35:00.000+08:00

monday
biology paper was tough i thought. i lost quite a few marks, felt extremely worried.
tuesday
it was the last paper to the end of o levels. i feel anxious, nervous and excited. i was simply filled with mixed emotions. the paper was alright i think. many of the biology questions was from the 10 year series of pure biology. after the paper, basically everyone went mad!! i went to watch harry potter with shu zhi & dionne but we don't seems to get any earlier tickets and the only avaliable tickets were on the time slot of 1025pm. we are dieing to watch it so decide to go ahead. we suppose to watch it with eunice & amy but it was too late for them. we meet them after we had our lunch and saw the clothes they are wearing for the prom night. it was lovely and it definitely look good on them. on the way to far east to me them, dionne broke her shoes AGAIN!!! oh well, she walked to far east as if she was having a limp. OOPPS. she brought a pair of shoes and yes we are on the way to watch haryy potter!! the shows was GREAT!! the movie was so exciting, i did not regret watching it man. hint* hint*
i went crazy i brought 2 nail polish, BRIGHT ORANGE & METALIC PINK. they look so lovely! i also brought the design plate for nail art!! all of us reach home by taxi as the movie ended about 115am. the cinema room was fully booked man by the time i reach home it was 2am and i slept as tml still have to go to school.
Wed
i went to school for the briefing of some admission to junior college got back my testi and other stuff. i helped marc, huixin, elaine and kai hui take their stuff. i guess i can only give them on the day they receive their results. i went to orchard again with shu zhi & dionne because dionne LAST MINUTE want to go to prom night and we have to accompany her to get her clothes that she had re-order. after which, we met eunice as she thought of me helping her in the entire make over. at first, it was to my place but my mom who just had an operation did not want people to come over as the house is terribly in the mess therefore we decided to drop by eunice's place. i did manicure for eunice, dionne & shu zhi and the make up for eunice & dionne. they look GREAT in their outfit. at eunice's place, we watched the last series of the frog turn to prince! it was lovely and after which we headed home.
Thurs
it was a lovely day. i meet jessica in the morning at 10am at city hall burger king for my 1st bible study. CHARACTER STUDY IS OVER! it was a great time just talking about god early in the morning, everything simply fall into place. after which, yukina joins us, we walk to the 2 big durains and ate ice cream. the ice cream was delicious. YUM YUM. we talk and it was great sitting near the sea ( it was be great & even better it was a beach) spending time just bonding in a special way as yukina is falling back to japan on friday night. After the spend time, i went to meet dionne & shu zhi at the yio chu kang mrt station to go to dionne house to help her in her mark up and stuff. i did manicure for her to make her toes look great with her white shoes. When everything is in place, we took a bus down to school. dionne look GREAT and i am pleased with my ART PIECE. we went in to school and saw how beautiful people are dressesd. but some was not as nice, well, people reading it knows who i am refering to. OOPPS. oh wee, felt exhausted and drained but it felt good. good things does not last long i guess when we are not right with god. i argue with my mummy and sister, all thanks to my sister. she bascially started everything but cannot blame herm too. i was suppose to go to sentosa with dionne & shu zhi on friday but due to the arguement, the trip was cancelled.

it kinds of late and i am feeling sleepy will update it tml!! :)

a change of blog site

2005-11-26T20:45:00.000+08:00

:))))))